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Neither does blaming your ex – or yourself, for that matter.
Getting angry at being dumped can make you like – but holding onto it, nursing it or directing it at others doesn’t help anything. I see this a lot in people who feel that they’ve been wronged – that their significant other had somehow done them dirty.
I repressed it as hard as I could and refused to even admit it was there.
All it does is make you look like someone who can’t get over a bad breakup and now you’re throwing a tantrum like a child who didn’t get a cookie. There are some seriously wangsty Live Journal posts in my distant past that I’m not proud of.) One thing that helps is to recontextualize the pain. Part of what helps process the pain of a break-up is channeling that pain, anger and frustration into something else. these can all be used to supercharge other aspects of your life.
She or he’d cheated on them, betrayed them somehow, dumped them with callous disregard to their feelings, devoured their soul or otherwise played games with their heart and now, as the wronged party, they deserved satisfaction.
Usually what they want is, ultimately, vindication.
And if you want to be completely selfish, channeling that anger is a good way of making your life more awesome while you’re recovering from the breakup. One of the things that I hear over and over again from folks who’ve just gotten dumped is that they want closure. In fact, more often than not, that desire for “closure” comes down to one of two issues.
They want some final meeting of the minds with their newly minted ex in order to hash out just what happened, tie off any loose ends and sort out regrets before dropping the match on the Viking funeral that is the old relationship. A) The person seeking closure wants neat and tidy answers to why they’re breaking up or B) The person seeking closure (almost always the dump-ee… You’re not a single triggering incident – somebody cheated on somebody else, for example – it’s rarely a one-off that suddenly caused your ex to hit the self-destruct button.