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Which brings us to the other reason you should not confront the affair partner… In the first case, desperate people can do desperate things. Either, you’ve got really low self-esteem to be a side dish, or you’re flamingly narcissistic. Look, to exist in an affair for any length of time, you have to be a few sandwiches shy of picnic. Do you really need this person harassing you and losing their shit? But the biggest reason not to confront the affair partner? Unless this person is completely unaware that your spouse is married or otherwise spoken for (it happens, in which case I think the person is a fellow chump, not an AP), they knew what they were doing and have devised various rationales — all of which are impervious to your exhortations.

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